1) You Try Too Hard To Please Others.
To not care what others think of you is a bad attitude but some people care too much what others think of them so they try way too hard. It is good to have a pleasing personality and to demonstrate good social skills but don’t go so far as to sacrifice your own self-worth in the process. It is better to give than to receive. Just don’t give so much away that there is nothing left for you.
2) You Apologize Way Too Much.
Do you apologize even when you haven’t done anything wrong? Do you say, “I’m sorry” over and over again for this thing you didn’t do. Some people never apologize for the things they’ve done wrong and some over apologize. If you have hurt someone’s feelings or done something wrong, say “I’m sorry” once maybe twice and then let it go.
3) You Keep Comparing Yourself To Others In A Negative Way.
Do you catch yourself saying things like, “They are smarter than me.” “They are better looking than I am.” “I’m not as good at ________as they are”? The problem with comparing yourself to others is that sometimes you do okay and come out ahead and others times you end up feeling like a complete failure. You have special gifts and talents and abilities that no one else has. Stop comparing yourself to others and just strive to be the best you that you know how to be.
4) You Are Deeply Afraid Of Failure.
Is your fear of failure keeping you from ever taking positive risks that could improve the quality of your life? Anyone who is successful in any endeavor has failed at one time or another. Don’t forget that. You will be better off to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all. Failure is part of growth and becoming a better person.
5) You Most Always Allow Others To Make Decisions.
Are you afraid to make a decision because it may not be well received? It is common for people to not even say where they want to dine for dinner for fear someone will be unhappy with the choice that has been made by you. As a challenge, I’d like you to make a decision today, even if it’s likely to be unpopular with someone else but it’s something you’d like to do, watch or eat.
6) You Use A Lot Of Negative Self-Talk.
Refuse to speak badly about yourself. Stop making jokes at your own expense. You are attaching yourself to a poor self-confidence when you use negative labels for yourself. Strive to go 24 hours without saying anything negative about yourself. If you mess up, start over until you can go a straight 24 hours without being critical of yourself. Change the way you speak about yourself and you can change your life.
7) You Rarely Speak Up.
Start taking the risk of speaking up in class, at work and with your peer group. Take the risk of sharing your thoughts, feelings and ideas. You might be surprised at how positively others will respond; especially if they know you don’t typically speak up. You’ll probably get a lot of positive feedback and encouragement. It is essential for you to find your voice if you ever hope to build your self-confidence.
8) You Let People Walk Over You.
There are Givers and there are Takers. Takers seek out passive people with poor self-confidence because they know they can take advantage of them. And they typically will keep taking advantage of until those people learn to set firmer limits with them. Learn to say “No’ to people who only seem to have their best interests in mind.
9) You Don’t Take Good Care Of Yourself Or Your Appearance.
People with good self-confidence have learned to exercise, eat right and pay attention to their hygiene and personal appearance. Dress in clean clothes and strive to carry yourself in a strong and upright posture.
10) You Are Very Self-Conscious.
Do you avoid eye contact? Do you slouch when you stand? Are you usually looking down at the ground? Do you fidget with your hands? Do you tend to speak softly? These behaviors usually indicate you have poor self-confidence and if you’ll practice doing the opposite of these behaviors you should notice a rather quick improvement in your self-confidence.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com