The average person complains between 15 and 30 times a day. Most of us are so conditioned to complain that we don’t even notice how much we gripe and complain about our lives. We complain about things we cannot control such as weather and traffic. We complain about our boss, our parents, our children, and anyone else who comes to mind. The possibilities are endless.
When you speak negatively about people, places or events and don’t offer any solutions; you are complaining. When you complain you usually get more of what you’re complaining about. Even if the complaints are true, complaining only makes things worse.
Here are 18 strategies to help you stop this negative habit:
1) Silence Is Golden
The easiest way to stop complaining is to be quiet. It is best to keep your mouth shut if tempted to complain.
2) Complaining Changes Nothing
Consider how you are changing nothing by complaining. Most people think complaining is the same thing as doing something. It isn’t. I’ve seen one person singled handedly poison the minds of their coworkers by the harmful effects of their complaints.
3) Don’t Be a Burden to Others
Think of how you may be a thorn in everybody’s side by complaining. Nobody wants to hear your complaints and if they do seem to want your negative output then their influences probably aren’t good for you anyway.
4) Examine Your Motives
Are you complaining as a method to feel better about yourself and your past mistakes and failures? We can get off the hook if we can blame someone or something else for our performance.
5) Complaining Breeds Negativity
If you complain often, you condition your mind to be negative. If you keep focusing on negative things you will become a negative person who has difficulty seeing the good that life has to offer. Beware of this danger and start to turn your thoughts towards the positive aspects of life.
6) Put Things in Perspective
Think of those who have it worse than you when you are tempted to complain about your life. Even if your boss is a jerk or you hate your job, you might want to consider that many people are out of work. You’d be surprised at how many people on the planet would love to be in your shoes.
7) Take Action Instead of Complaining
When tempted to complain, get active. Get outside and go for a walk or a run. Go to the gym and workout. On the other hand, try relaxing. Dim the lights. Take some deep breaths and allow yourself a break.
8) Accept Yourself and Others
Accept yourself the way you are.This helps you accept others as they are. When you learn to accept others without judgments, you will be less prone to complain. Most of us jump to conclusions about people without truly knowing them. Realize there is a lot to learn about someone before you can criticize them as a person.
9) Stay Productively Engaged
Get More Involved. People with nothing to do have too much time on their hands and hence the birthplace of complaining.
10) Avoid the Complaining Competition
It’s amazing how complaining can quickly become a contest. A group of coworkers or friends can start complaining and then they seem to compete with who has it worse. Don’t join the contest and don’t try to change them. If you feel led, you can strive to redirect the subject to something productive but if you cannot redirect them you may want to move away from their conversation in order to save yourself.
11) Don’t Gossip
Only say things you would say if that person was in front of you. Keep your comments positive or say nothing at all.
12) Ask Yourself: Can I Change This?
Consider this question when you’re in a negative situation or you are tempted to complain: Can I change this situation or is it out of my control? This question will help train your mind to focus on solutions instead of complaints.
13) Build Up Your Self Esteem
Some people complain because they are unhappy with their lives. They look for people who are weak and vulnerable so they can exert their power over them. These types are rude to the checkout clerk, the restaurant worker, the sales person at the mall, etc. They express themselves at the expense of others so they get an opportunity to feel superior in that moment. I’ve always heard that there are two ways to have the tallest building in town: One is to build the tallest building and the other is to tear all the other buildings down. Build yourself up.
14) Express Complaints Constructively
If you have a legitimate complaint, stick to the facts. Suppose you are at a restaurant and your steak isn’t cooked the way you ordered. Rather than cause a scene, just stick with the facts. “Excuse me. My steak is undercooked. Could you please put it back on the grill til it is medium well.” Your waiter will respond better to that than an outburst of negativity. Besides, you will upset those at your table if you do pitch a fit.
15) Don’t Beat Yourself Up
If you beat yourself up for complaining and being negative, you’re only reinforcing the habit, not breaking it. Be careful not to reinforce the complaints or they will condition your mind to only notice the negative things in life.
16) Try a 30-Day No-Complaining Challenge
Wear a ring or a bracelet of some sort and every time you complain, move the object to your opposite hand or wrist. Every time you complain, you are to start over. This challenge can take a while so be patient.
17) Take Ownership of Your Happiness
If you are unhappy then you need to evaluate how you are creating this unhappiness. Instead of helplessly focusing on the problem, look for the solution that could fix the problem. If you wish you had a better life, then make it better by making better choices, thinking better thoughts, and associating with positive people.
18) Be the Change
You can only change yourself. If you want your peer group to stop engaging in negative conversations, then be the change you want to see occur. The best way to inspire others to change is to be an example of what you want to see happen.
A very profound thing happens when you learn to stop complaining. You will notice that complaining will be replaced by thoughts of possibility and potential. You won’t be as easily annoyed and frustrated by others. Your thoughts will be more positive and solution oriented. So put an end to griping and complaining starting today.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com