By Mark Webb, The Relationship Specialist
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
You have dreams of success, romance and victory but many of your dreams will never materialize. The reason: that little voice of doubt within your own head.
Most people will never make one single attempt toward their goals. They are their own worst enemy. Here are 13 strategies to help you defeat your inner enemy and to increase your ability to achieve the life you’ve always dreamed of living.
1.Be Willing To Strike Out.
A beginner has to start somewhere. I think we are quick to forget that home-run king, Hank Aaron, struck out twice for every home-run he hit. We often look at the superstars and lose sight of their failures and mistakes.
2. Don’t Dwell On Past Mistakes.
Everybody makes mistakes. If you keep beating yourself up for the ones you’ve made, you’ll never get ahead in life. Allow yourself to process your mistakes. What have you learned? What can you do differently next time? How can you turn this setback into something positive, and then move on to your next attempt; only wiser this time?
3. Are You Listening To The Wrong Shoulder?
I am often reminded of the old cartoons in which you’d see an angel sitting on a person’s right shoulder and a devil on the person’s left shoulder. Both were trying to influence the person. The question then becomes, which shoulder does the person listen to? You have choices. Are you going to make positive decisions or negative ones? You’ll never defeat your inner enemy if you listen to the negative shoulder.
4. Make Up Stories That Aren’t True.
I like to use my imagination and hardheadedness to my advantage. I do so by making up stories that aren’t true but if they were true, it would motivate me. I’ll give you some examples. Suppose someone offered you 10 million dollars if you could get your life together. Could you do it? Absolutely; and almost over night if you had to. Another example. Suppose you’re having problems with your teenage child or with your spouse. Imagine an angel has told you that this person you love is going to die in the near future. Could you be a better spouse or parent? Once again; YES!
5. Do It For Someone Else.
I’ve often heard concerned family members tell the person they love who has a substance abuse problem, “Don’t change for us. You’ve got to want to change for yourself.” I understand their reasoning but I think that putting the needs of others first can be an excellent motivator. I love stories about the person who stopped smoking after 30 years because his granddaughter simply asked him to.
6. The Necessity of Reinforcement.
Winning the fight against your inner enemy is an ongoing battle. Negative people say, “Well I tried that self improvement stuff once and it didn’t work for me.” You can’t be positive once or just for a short while and expect a whole lot to change. This responsibility is along the lines of bathing and brushing your teeth. It’s a part of your daily routine. Make positive thoughts, words, and actions a part of your daily life.
7. Look Sharp.
A fast track method for building your confidence is to pay attention to looking your very best. Update your clothes and your hairstyle. If you don’t know how; ask someone for help but at least make sure they have better style than you. Looking good on the outside helps you feel better on the inside.
8. Speak With Authority.
Use your voice to gain respect. Speak in a relaxed, well modulated yet firm tone of voice. You want to convey that you have poised confidence.
9. Kill The Voice of Procrastination.
Whenever you start working to improve yourself you’ll notice a voice in your head (the inner enemy) telling you to “roll over and go back to sleep”; to “take the easy way out”; that you really “can’t accomplish your goals anyway.” When you notice these words of doubt and discouragement, you must tell the voice to “Shut up!” If the correct answer is to get up so that you can pray, exercise, or write that book you’ve always wanted to write then you must do it now. You must ignore the voice of procrastination and get up immediately. Don’t hit the snooze button again. Make a strong action or the voice will eventually win and you will lose. This is how we end up fat and out of shape, dumb and uneducated.
10. Stop Filling Your Mind With Junk.
Are you wasting your time with too much television? Too many puzzles? And too much gossip? Activities like these must be done at a minimum and the gossip shouldn’t happen at all. Stay focused on the things you want. If you want to be confident, fill your mind with thoughts of success and personal growth.
11. Beware of the Critics.
Care what others think but don’t be paralyzed by it. Whenever you start to make positive changes; someone will always have something to say. Friends and family members will tell you your goal are “crazy”, “unreachable”, “foolish” or similar type statements. These comments encourage your own sense of fear and doubt. All it usually takes is one discouraging comment to derail most people. Don’t let this happen to you.
12. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others.
Comparison is a trap. Sometimes you will come out ahead of others and other times you won’t. Someone else will eventually be better, faster, or stronger. It is best to avoid this dead end street altogether and just strive to be and do your best. This way you only have to compete with yourself and not the entire planet.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com