1) You Always Have To Be Right.
Some people just have to win. They are overly competitive. Even if they are wrong, they usually overpower the other person with intimidation or an overwhelming verbal attack that forces the other person to concede defeat. These people are often emotional bullies who never have deep and meaningful relationships with others. People feel like they are walking on eggshells around them because they know how dominating they can be and few topics are worth the exhaustion of dealing with them. If this behavior sounds like you and you want to correct this behavior, acknowledge others victories and show good sportsmanship. It not only makes you more likable but also helps in curbing that excessive competitive urge. We have a saying in taekwondo, “Be humble in victory. Be humble in defeat.”
2) You Refuse To Show Empathy And Compassion.
Showing empathy and compassion is not about solving other people’s problems. It is about showing that you understand or at the very least, that you are trying to understand what the other person is going through. If you are difficulty showing empathy for others this translates to mean that you have trouble stepping into someone else’s shoes. Having the ability to feel someone’s struggles is a quality that is important for a meaningful relationship to occur. If this fails to exist, you are only showing the other person you lack insight into their side of things or worse that you don’t even care. If you want to correct this behavior, get into the habit of asking others how they are doing and then actually listen to their response.
3) You Overstep The Boundaries Of Others.
Whether it is someone’s personal space, their time or their emotional boundaries, failing to respect these limits says a lot about your consideration for others. If you are the type to pry too deep into the personal matters of others or you insist on where you go as a couple or group despite their feelings of reluctance , you are essentially saying that your needs are more important than theirs. If you want to correct this behavior, strive to develop a more respectful habit by asking for permission rather than assuming that it is okay to cross the boundary of someone else.
4) You Dominate The Conversation.
Do you do the majority of the talking when there is supposed to be a more interactive dialogue between you and the other person or people? When you hog the conversation, you are giving the other person a clear message that what they have to say is unimportant. People enjoy feeling heard and valued in a conversation. If you want to correct this behavior strive to talk only half the time in any conversation. Give others the chance to speak and then actively listen when they do.
5) Everything Is Negative.
Do you frequently talk about your problems, complaints, or pessimistic views about the world? If so, you might be draining the people around you without even realizing it. There is a line between sharing your troubles with others and you constantly pouring out your complaints, criticisms and negative observations about people, places and things. People are likely to pull away if you are negative all of the time. A good tip to correct this lopsidedness is to share at least one positive thing for every negative thought you express. This will help you become more aware of what you are putting out into the world.
6) You’re Dishonest.
Honesty is a crucial element of trust in any relationship. When you are dishonest, even in small ways, you are chipping away at that trust. Most people value honesty even when the truth is uncomfortable. Wouldn’t you rather know where you stand with someone, even if the truth is hard to hear? If you want to correct this behavior, be honest, even when it’s difficult, this can help create deeper connections with others and earn you their genuine respect.
7) You Don’t Keep Your Word.
Things happen sometimes that forces us to cancel on our previous commitments but when it becomes a pattern, it can signal to others that you do not respect their time or value the relationship. If you are someone who consistently cancels out on commitments regardless of their significance you are demonstrating to others that you are unreliable. You may overcommit to things because you don’t want to disappoint people. But overcommitting and under delivering is a quick way to destroy people’s trust and confidence in you.
It is better to under promise and over deliver than to over promise and under deliver. So before committing to anything, take a moment to clearly think things through as to whether you can actually keep this commitment. It is better to say NO upfront than to break a commitment later.
8) You Find Fault With Most Everything And Everyone Around You.
Constructive criticism is valuable. But there is a fine line between offering helpful feedback and constantly criticizing everyone and everything. Criticism, especially when it becomes your go to interaction, creates an emotional toll that many people won’t want to pay. They’ll start to avoid you like the plague. So the next time you are tempted to criticize, consider the impact it will have, not just on others, but on how people perceive you. Not everything requires your input. Before critiquing, ask yourself, “Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind?”
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www. TheRelationshipSpecialist.com