By Mark Webb, The Relationship Specialist
“When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future.” ~ Bernard Meltzer
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold onto anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or you can choose to forgive the behavior and move on toward your own peace of mind. If you choose to hold a grudge, you most likely will be the one who suffers the most. Holding onto resentment keeps the hurtful event alive and in your head and in your heart. It drains your energy and produces physiological stress that will affect your immune system and negatively impact your ability to cope with daily challenges. Unfortunately, you will probably end up being a negative person who battles stress and depression. You might even develop qualities like the person you resent.
Perhaps it’s time to let go of those things that have bothered you for way too long. Here are nine benefits that come from choosing to forgive someone who has hurt you:
1. Switches Your Focus From Hurting To Healing.
Decide you will no longer define your life by how you have been hurt. If you focus too much on the hurt and wrong that has been done to you, you will end up falling into the role of a victim. No one wants to fall into this weak position. Acknowledge how you feel about the wrong done to you and how it has affected you. Identify what needs healing and who needs to be forgiven and for what. Consider the value of how forgiveness can improve your life.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes
2. Allows You To Move On With Your Life.
What if the person who offended you doesn’t change? Getting the other person to change is not the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness in terms of how it can change your life. Forgiveness brings you peace, happiness, and emotional healing. It empowers you, as opposed to empowering the offense.
“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” ~ Desmond Tutu
3. You Will Become More Present In Your Life and The Lives of Those Around You.
Resentment keeps your mind focused on things of the past. Those are things that you cannot do anything to change now. Forgiveness places your mind in the present moment. So instead of living in the past, you are living in the here and now, today. This automatically produces peace of mind and hope for a better tomorrow.
4. Promotes True Inner Peace.
Contemplating what you should have done and what they should have done is just as bad as actually fighting with the other person. Sometimes the battle in our mind is worse than the actual offense.
“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
5. Promotes Positive Self Image and Self Respect.
Any form of negative thinking has a negative impact on how you see yourself. Strive to keep your mind focused on you being your best self.
“Sweet mercy is nobility’s true badge.” ~ William Shakespeare
6. Relieves Symptoms Of Depression and Anxiety.
Many types of depression and anxiety problems are the result of harboring negative emotions. By focusing on forgiveness, you free up this energy to be used in more positive and productive manners.
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” ~ Thomas Szasz
7. Better For Your Health.
Forgiveness brings with it plenty of health benefits, including lower blood pressure and a stronger immune system. Letting go of negative emotions can have a remarkable impact on the body.
8. Sets A Better Example.
You may say that you don’t care what other people think, but maybe you should care. People you love and care about are watching how you handle life’s challenges. This may be your children, your spouse or your friends and colleagues. Strive to show these people that you are truly a good person who is emotionally stronger than the circumstances that you face. This will inspire others to follow your example of wisdom and bravery.
“Forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they’re sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.” ~ Yolanda Hadid
9. Stops Conflict And Promotes Connection.
Conflict with others in your life brings about the consequences of loss of time, energy and happiness. You will never feel close to someone if there is a wedge of bitterness between you.
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” ~ Bryant H. McGill
Forgiveness is not saying that the offense done unto you was okay. Forgiving someone can be done internally, without verbal acknowledgment to the offender, but as your way of letting go of the emotions tied to the offense so you can move on with your life in a positive and healthy manner. Make the decision today and live in peace.
Best of Wishes,
Mark Webb
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www. TheRelationshipSpecialist.com
“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” ~ Alexander Pope