Have you and your spouse stopped talking to each other? Do you constantly argue and bicker? Have you stopped trusting each other with your feelings and innermost thoughts? Here are 10 techniques on how to fall back in love with your spouse:
1) Let Go Of Your Resentments.
A great place to start is to give up your right to be angry and just move on. Far too often we fight for the right to our feelings when in fact your feelings may be what is killing your marriage. Let go and move towards falling back in love with your spouse.
2) Don’t Get Sidetracked By Having Debates Over Who Is To Blame.
Give up the notion that you might never be fully able to agree on whose fault it is that your marriage got off track. Just do better today!
3) Don’t Make Excuses About Not Having Enough Time.
It is easy to explain why you can’t get back on track but in reality, you can do wonders to revolutionize your marriage in just sixty seconds a day. It only takes two seconds to say good morning or sweet dreams. It only takes a couple of seconds to give your spouse a kiss good morning, two more to kiss goodbye, two more to kiss welcome home, and two more to kiss goodnight. A strong hug can be delivered in five to ten seconds. Hold your eye contact with your spouse for four seconds longer than you normally do. You can always find time to do the things that are important to you. Make your spouse and your marriage a priority.
4) Stop Destructive Communication Patterns.
If you have been mean or hurtful in how you have talked to your spouse, then learn how to control your emotions. If you don’t know how, read articles, watch videos on YouTube, or seek the guidance of a licensed therapist but end your part of the destructive patterns. One person with the desire to be kinder in their communication can make a huge impact on turning the relationship around towards a more connected path.
5) Make Time To Talk.
Start finding new subjects to talk about. Do not simply say “Let’s Talk.” Your spouse will answer back with the question “What do you want to talk about?” and you know where it goes from there. Google search conversation starters. You will find hundreds and hundreds of ideas. These can quickly jump-start your conversations. Being open to talking about random topics will help.
6) Be More Appreciative Of What Your Spouse Does and Has Done.
When things are bad it is easy to feel like you are the only one who has done anything or has been active in the marriage. Strive to remember the things your spouse has done and the things they are doing. Stop keeping score with who has done the most but simply learn to say thank you more often. A sincere thank you can melt away years of hurt and frustration.
7) Be More Physically Affectionate.
Be willing to take positive risks of intimacy. Reach over and hold your spouse’s hand. Kiss them and then kiss them again. Hug them with a tighter squeeze. Be more intimate and all that that implies. Sleep in the same bed if you have stopped doing so. Be bold in these actions. Love requires boldness.
8) Find A New Interest That You Both Can Share In.
If your marriage has become a lifestyle of parallel existence then seek out a new activity that you both can agree on. Too many marriages consist of the husband out in his shed in the backyard drinking beer and watching the news and the wife inside watching television until it is bedtime. Don’t let this happen to you and if it has; take immediate action to change this tonight.
9) Start Making Small, Regular Gestures Of Kindness.
Write a sweet message on a Post-it note. Bring your spouse their favorite candy bar next time you go to the store. Little things can say a lot about how you truly feel about your spouse. Let your spouse know you love them and think of them often.
10) Plan A Romantic Adventure.
Plan a trip away. An overnight trip, a weekend getaway, or a well-desired vacation. These times away can recharge your marriage quickly and powerfully. Sometimes a vacation without the children can do more than months of marriage counseling.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www. TheRelationshipSpecialist.com