“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~ Carl Jung
1. Nothing Beats A Full Commitment.
Many of the couples that end up in my office for therapy have commitment issues. Of those couples, I have found that one or both of them have been holding back a piece of themselves which contributes to the relationship problems they show up to discuss. In order to have an amazing relationship, you need to be all in, not cautiously half in and half out. Stop considering other options and stop worrying about getting hurt. A full commitment builds a sense of security and enthusiasm for a future together.
2. Certainty Is The Foundation.
It is common to use the word “trust” but I like the word “certainty” because from my experience, men better understand this concept and I think it resonates deeper with what women are looking for. A full commitment promotes certainty and certainty provides peace of mind.
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” ~ William James
3. Make Your Partner Feel Special.
Never cut corners in this department. Partners who are cheap, lazy and selfish will never know the true magic of an amazing relationship. Keep up the positive behaviors that you used in the beginning of the relationship. Be thoughtful, patient and considerate. Get the door for your lady. Speak words of affirmation and appreciation. Go out of your way to get a kiss, buy flowers or something that speaks to your partner’s heart. Make this a permanent habit. Older couples with many years of marriage end up in therapy too because they developed the habit of taking their partner for granted and stopped doing the little things that make their partner feel special.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ~Donald Miller
4. Stay Focused In Good Times and Especially In The Bad Times.
When things are going good, people get lazy. When things are going bad, they get defensive and angry. You cannot have a mindset of “I will, if she will.” Or vice versa. Or one of “I don’t feel like doing these disciplines today.” An amazing relationship comes from the daily disciplines of loving your partner and appreciating your relationship together.
“Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” ~ Swedish Proverb
5. Create A Sense Of Teamwork.
Keep in mind that you and your partner are on the same team. Disagreements and conflict are to be worked through with a mindset that “We Are On The Same Team!”
View your partner’s differing view and input as watching your back as opposed to them working against you and your wishes. Work to have a common vision of the future and strive to have a sense of cooperation.
“No road is long with good company.” ~ Turkish Proverb
6. Refuse To Compromise Your Values.
Core values can help you know what is right for your relationship. They can help you determine if you are on the right track in the fulfillment of your relationship goals. Having a set of core values will serve as an unwavering and unchanging guide for your actions within the relationship. Examples are: having a belief in God and an involvement in church, being practical with money matters, a belief that family is of fundamental importance, honesty is always the best policy, maintaining a balance between work and home life. Also, never forget that kindness and respect are crucial in the communication within your relationship. Set standards for yourself and your relationship that will honor both you and your partner.
7. Raise The Bar On Yourself And Your Behaviors To Be Higher Than The Common Man or Woman.
Being better than most men and women is not the target. Being the best YOU is where your aim should lie. Instead of raising the bar of expectation on your partner; raise it on yourself and watch your relationship get better. Just as you strive to be great at parenting and in your career; strive to be the best partner.
“If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Best of Wishes,
Mark Webb