Do Any Of These Symptoms Of Marital Burnout Sound Familiar?
- You’ve Noticed A Significant Change In Your Personality. Have you become cynical and negative in your view of life and marriage? Are you more withdrawn from your spouse?
- You’ve Developed A Dismissive Or Irritable Attitude Towards Your Spouse.
- You’ve Withdrawn Emotionally. You Don’t Feel Connected With Your Spouse.
- You’ve Stopped Doing Previously Enjoyed Activities That You Used To Do Together.
- Decreased Physical Intimacy.
- You’ve Stopped Caring About Your Appearance.
- You Don’t Have Any Plans Or Goals For Your Marriage. No trips together or shared projects.
These problem areas are often a reflection of one or both of you dealing with a high degree of stress to a point of being exhausted and your communication and time together has diminished or the interest has declined over time due to boredom and familiarity.
Here are some essential strategies that can rapidly restore your marriage to that vibrancy it once had:
1) Make Necessary Life Changes.
If you know you are burned out, negative and out of shape then make a solid commitment to make some genuine changes of getting yourself back on track. Start today!
2) Be Slow To Blame Your Spouse For How You Are Feeling.
Far too often spouses get caught up in the blame game and this keeps the couple tangled up in debatable subjects in which they may never agree on. I encourage you to be gentle with each other and to stay away from blaming your spouse for the problems you are having. The blame game will only keep you stuck in the negative state you are trying to get out of.
3) Get A Medical Check Up.
A commonly over looked problem area when it comes to marital burn out is untreated medical problems. When is the last time you had a medical examination with lab work? You’d be surprised how often this could be the answer to your state of burn out. Don’t overlook this potential important answer.
4) Be Good About Apologizing To Your Spouse.
When couples start having problems, they start calling each other out on every infraction. This causes them to feel what I call Battle Weary and it’s when they can barely talk about anything without the subject spiraling into an argument or they quickly derail into a lonely silence. A sincere apology is extremely powerful in resetting a marriage back towards a positive connection. Don’t let your pride stand in the way of you getting yourself and your marriage back on track.
5) Put More Effort Into Being Romantic.
Think back to the days when you first pursued your spouse. When they were your girlfriend or boyfriend, you were most likely a very romantic partner who was full of energy, interest and desire. That person is still inside of you and not only needs to be awakened but wants to be awakened. You will always be happier when you are living as a more romantic spouse.
6) Let Go Of The Negative And Hurtful Parts Of Your Past.
If the past is in the past and your partner has shown a sincere change in their actions, then stop bringing up the past. Stop holding your spouse prisoner for past betrayals and past mistakes. Let go so that your marriage can flourish again.
7) Stay On Top Of Your Personal Hygiene.
Don’t neglect brushing your teeth, taking daily showers, wearing deodorant and wearing clean clothes. Strive to present your best self to your spouse.
8) Practice Good Stress Management.
. Choose exercise over alcohol. Choose extra sleep when you are exhausted. Choose vitamins and proper nutrition over junk food. Choose time to get away or pursue some time immersed in a hobby over pushing yourself to an unreasonable expectation.
9) Carve Out Time To Spend With Your Spouse.
You may say you don’t have any time. I hear this from time to time, and oddly when these people go through a divorce, they somehow find the time to date and to go on weekend getaways. Don’t make excuses and don’t wait until it’s too late. Feed your marriage the gift of time and interest. Couples need to get away together at least every six weeks. It doesn’t need to be a big trip. It could be as simple as a picnic at a near-by state park.
10) Consider Getting Marriage Counseling.
It is common to resist therapy for your marriage until the marriage is in trouble then the unwilling become highly motivated. Getting professional help for your marriage can save you a lot of time and trouble when it comes to pinpointing the right skills and mindsets needed.
11) Hold Hands More Often.
Have you stopped holding your spouse’s hand? Holding hands is a simple and powerful way to reconnect with your spouse. Holding hands says I’m here with you and I’m here for you. You’re not saying a word but you are speaking volumes.
12) Hold Better Eye Contact.
When is the last time you truly looked into your spouse’s eyes and noticed who they truly are and how much they truly mean to you? Couples with burned out marriages have gotten away from sincere eye contact. Once upon a time, you could look into your spouse’s eye for hours and your relationship was magical. You can reignite the magic once again by simply getting back into the habit of looking into your spouse’s eyes again.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com