“Last night I got into an argument with my husband. I told him to take what was his and leave. He picked me up and walked out the door.” ~ Unknown
Here are 18 strategies to keep the fun and passion alive and well in your marriage:
1) Play Together.
Be the person who is goofy and fun to be around that everybody else knows. Most people are more fun to work with than to be married to.
2) Seek Adventures Together.
Think outside the box when it comes to making your marriage exciting. Go zip-lining, horseback riding, travel out of state and see the Grand Canyon. Google things to do in and around your area. Local events are fun to attend and you get to invest in your community as a couple. Ride bicycles around your neighborhood or in a near-by park.
3) Make A Full Commitment To Each Other.
Surprisingly, many couples never consciously make a full decision to be faithful and fully committed to the marriage out of a fear that the marriage might not work out. This initial decision is never challenged later on and so the lack of commitment is never addressed. You might not be able to put your finger on it but something will feel like it’s missing in your relationship when the subject of total commitment is not explored.
4) Maintain Your Own Self-Improvement For The Sake Of The Marriage.
Exercise. Eat right. Maintain a healthy body. Read self-help books. Go to church, etc.
5) Become A Better Listener.
Listening says that you care.
6) Prioritize Your Spouse.
If you are talking to a friend and your spouse calls you; take your spouse’s call. I see so many people look at their phone screen and once they realize it is their spouse, they say “Oh, it’s just my husband.” Or “it’s just my wife.” Wrong response. Tell your friend to hold on a moment and take your spouse’s call.
7) Forgive Them For Past Mistakes.
In your head and in your heart, make a decision to forgive and begin enjoying your time together. This goes for yourself as well if you are holding onto unnecessary guilt and shame.
8) Treat Them With Honor and Respect.
Treat your spouse better than you do anyone else.
9) Show More Initiative.
Don’t sit back and let your spouse always figure out a game plan or an agenda. Take charge more often. This interest shows them you also want adventure and fun or a new strategy to move the relationship forward. It’s a team effort, not one person making all the decisions.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
10) Surprise Them.
Bring your spouse a gift for no reason other than to show them that you were thinking about them. It doesn’t have to be much. It just needs to convey that you were thinking of them.
11) Stop Talking About The Kids So Much.
Are you and your spouse putting all of your time and energy into your children? What are you going to do when they grow up and leave home? The empty nest scenario could be a preventable disaster. Find other things to talk about and mutual interests to pursue.
Let the kids see you two enjoying your relationship which will give the children a foundation of what a healthy and loving marriage is all about.
12) Strive To Learn And To Share Something New.
I am still learning new things about my wife. This inspires me to share more about myself as well. This helps a marriage grow. If you want to learn more about your spouse, make sure your interest in their life comes from questions of the heart, and that you don’t turn everything into an argument or the Spanish inquisition as to why they think the way they think.
13) Think Before You Speak.
Communication is not always the key. Nor is fully expressing your feelings. These are common misconceptions. Be thoughtful and focused in your communication.
14) Give Your Marriage At Least As Much Attention As You Give Your Hobbies.
People choose to spend time doing what they want and like to do. Your spouse knows this too. Show your spouse that spending time with them is as important as your favorite hobby.
15) Compliment Your Spouse.
Look for the good in your spouse and let them know that you recognize and appreciate their good qualities. Compliments go a long way in keeping your marriage alive and well.
16) Give Your Spouse The Benefit Of The Doubt.
Be slow to get aggravated and annoyed. Assume that your spouse’s motives are pure in spirit and not negatively intended.
17) Realize That Things Won’t Always Be Smooth.
Marriages go through phases. The first five to seven years can be pretty tough. You are trying to work out all of the differences and misunderstandings. The twenty five year mark is also a big hurdle because many marriages have a run dry at this point. At the 25 year mark, the marriage may lack interest and enthusiasm. Throw in a midlife crisis or a major change like losing your job and you can expect a lot of anxiety and frustration.
18) Your Attitude Is Everything! You always have a choice.
Which attitude have you chosen? To be positive or to be negative? If you have been negative, choose to be positive from here on out. A positive attitude helps you do everything better, especially marriage!
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ~ Dr. Seuss
Best of Wishes,
Mark Webb
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com