“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
— Unknown
Do you relate to the title of this article? If so, ask yourself these questions to see how close you are to being burned out and exhausted:
- Have you become cynical at home and work?
- Do you drag yourself to work each day?
- Do you have trouble getting started with your daily routine?
- Have you become irritable or impatient with co-workers, customers, friends, and family members?
- Are you struggling to be consistently productive?
- Do you have trouble concentrating?
- Do you lack satisfaction with your responsibilities?
- Do you feel disillusioned about your career choices?
- Are you using food, drugs, or alcohol to feel better or to numb yourself?
- Have your sleep habits changed?
- Are you troubled by unexplained physical complaints?
Here are some strategies to help you start taking better care of yourself and getting yourself back on track
If you answered yes to several of the above questions, it’s time to prioritize yourself. Below are actionable steps to help you regain balance and protect your well-being:
1. Define What Is The Hardest Part In Your Role
Is it that you are being pulled in too many directions? Are there too many people asking too much from you? Is it because you have trouble saying “No” to others? Where do your caretaking behaviors show up most glaringly?
“Burnout occurs when your body and mind can no longer keep up with the tasks you demand of them. Don’t try to force yourself to do the impossible.”
— Del Suggs
2. Ask Yourself, “What Do I Want?”
Don’t breeze past this question. This question is crucial if you are ever going to get yourself together with a sense of balance and peace. Do you want a better schedule? A different career? A change in location? Once you begin to learn what you want, say no to anything outside of that.
“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future.”
— Earl Nightingale
3. Read Up On The Subjects Of Self-Help and Codependency
If you want to learn more about anything, there’s nobody better to learn from than an expert. Experts have spent years studying these topics. You can save yourself a lot of sweat and tears if you take the time to read a few books, articles or watch a few videos. An expert may have spent 20 years researching a particular topic on burn out and you can spend a week reading or listening to their book and learn what it took them 20 years to compile.
“Burnout is about resentment. And you beat it by knowing what it is you’re giving up that makes you resentful.”
— Marissa Mayer
4.Demand Time For Solitude
Even if you have to get up earlier, carve out some quiet time to be by yourself. Use this time to pray, meditate, drink a cup of hot tea or read your Bible. The point is to schedule this time and stick to it. If you don’t take care of yourself, it limits how much you can do for others.
5. Learn How To Say No
So many people have the hardest time saying this word. It is usually because they are a people pleaser by nature and they don’t want to disappoint anyone or they need the approval of others. Sometimes it is because they are trying to avoid some form of conflict. Regardless, use this word as needed.
“A person who lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule will often ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul.”
— Lysa Terkeurst
6. Learn How To Say Yes
Are you so conditioned to taking care of everyone else’s needs that you rarely do anything for yourself? Some people need permission to do things that are in their best interest because they feel guilty if they ever put their needs in front of their caretaking routine. I’m here to tell you that it is okay to put your needs first when you feel you are being overwhelmed. It is not selfishness, it is called self-responsibility.
“Time spent in nature is the most cost-effective and powerful way to counteract burnout.”
— Richard Louv
7. Start Changing Some Of Your Regular Routines
If you feel like you are always running around in a crazy cycle of never getting ahead of your to-do list, try different ways and different times of doing things. Instead of staying up late to get some free time, wake up earlier to get it. The key is to start thinking outside of the scope of what you are doing in search of better and more efficient ways of doing things.
“Being overwhelmed means that your life or work is overpowering you. Regain control by clarifying your intentions, setting realistic expectations, and focusing on your next step.”
— Daphne Michaels
8. Ask For Specific Help
The more stress you accumulate, the heavier it becomes. If you accumulate too much, the weight of carrying it will break you in body and in spirit. Chances are pretty good that if you are relating to this topic, you probably are horrible at asking for help. So before you dismiss this point, please at least consider it. If there is someone you can ask for help, be as specific as possible in doing so. For example, if you could use some help with shopping and cooking for a second household perhaps you could ask a sibling, your spouse or one of your teenage children to assist you with getting these tasks done.
9. Eat Right, Sleep and Exercise
Nothing is worth your health. This is another non-negotiable that must be demanded of yourself.
10. Bolster Your Support Network
People who overextend themselves, usually have no friends or they have lost contact with their friends and family because they are always too busy doing for others.
11. Clearly Communicate Your Expectations
11)I need you to do ________ by _________. Make the request short and simple. The more verbose you are, the more confusing it will be to the other person.
12. Go To Therapy
A therapist can help you find your voice, practice assertive communication, and uncover the root causes of your overextension. Therapy provides tools to stop the cycle of exhaustion.
13. Learn How To Stay Calm
Do not let other people or circumstances dictate who you are. Decide to be a master of yourself and especially your emotions. This all starts with a decision to be a calm person. This is another reason to study self-improvement. Look up the how to’s of becoming a calm person.
“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”
— Etty Hillesum
14. Invest Time In Building Up Your Self-Esteem
This quote was my wife’s Senior Quote for her high school yearbook and it still exemplifies the standard of how she lives her life today. If we all do the right thing, then the world has no choice but to become a better place.
“You can do anything, but not everything.”
~ David Allen
Take these steps to prioritize your well-being. Remember, the better you care for yourself, the more effectively you can care for others.
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www. TheRelationshipSpecialist.com