Someone who is good at being manipulative can be hard to spot. This article will help you do a better job of not falling into the common traps of being in a relationship with someone who is manipulative.
Here are 12 of the common phrases or questions to watch out for:
1) “You Always Have To Be The Victim.”
When someone says this to you, this can be another way to try to shift the blame onto you. People do this to avoid facing their own behavior. If someone offends you or hurts your feelings and you call them out on it, it means you are self-aware; not a victim. Don’t let a manipulative person try to flip things around on you.
2) “You’re Always Drama, Drama, Drama.”
This manipulative statement is very belittling and dismissive. No one wants to be called dramatic. This is usually used by a manipulative person when you have called them out on their behaviors and they are trying to deflect the attention from themselves back onto you.
3) “You Can’t Take Criticism.”
This comment is designed to make you doubt yourself and to make you feel defensive. The manipulative person is trying to twist the situation and make you feel like you are unable to receive criticism. Their comments were probably not constructive criticisms but most likely, they were hurtful comments disguised as feedback.
4) “You Have No Idea What You’re Talking About.”
This comment is the manipulative person’s attempt to undermine your position of knowledge and experience so they can maintain their sense of superiority and authority.
5) “You Always Have To Have Things Your Way.”
This slick comment is trying to make you feel like you are inflexible and demanding. This accusation will make you feel like you are being selfish and no one wants to appear to be selfish. In reality, the manipulative person is projecting their need to have control over you and your interactions with them.
6) “You’re Always So Sensitive.”
This is another crazy making statement that manipulative people use to make you feel like you are overreacting. By making you feel like you are the problem, they are able to shift the focus away from their inability to accept responsibility for their actions and insecurities and most importantly; their hurtful statements.
7) “It Was Only A Joke.”
This is a common tactic of a manipulative person. They make some sort of a hurtful or mean comment but they try to make it sound like a joke or witty sarcastic remark. If you get upset or call them out on it, they accuse you of not being able to take a joke. This tactic is commonly called sniping. They hide behind their hurtful comment by calling it a joke. This way they don’t have to take responsibility for what they said.
8) “You’re Overthinking This.”
Saying it this way, they are using a manipulative trick to get you to doubt yourself. They will do this when you challenge their position or draw attention to something they did or said and they don’t want to acknowledge their mistake. When they make this comment, it can make you feel like you are over analyzing things and making things bigger or worse than they really are, but are you really?
9) “Nobody Else Believes That.”
This one is similar to the one above in that it is designed to make you question your judgment. It cuts you off from believing your thoughts are normal and strives to make you feel alone in your view of things. If the manipulative person can get you to doubt your perception or memory, they have a better chance of gaining control over you and the situation.
10) “Why Can’t You Be More Like________?”
Manipulative people like to make comparisons because if they can get you to believe you are inadequate or not good enough, then they can neatly hide their own inadequacies and insecurities. Be careful because this manipulative strategy will eventually have you constantly comparing yourself to others and that is a trap that only gets worse and worse over time.
11) “I Don’t Remember That.”
This is a clever way that manipulative people use to hide their mistakes or avoid admitting any sort of wrongness. It is a way to be right even when they are wrong. Manipulative people tend to hold a position of always having to be right so by claiming they don’t remember things occurred the way they did is their way of always being right. It is another crazy making method of a manipulative person, so beware.
12) “Are You Jealous?”
This manipulative question is used to take what could be a normal emotion; which jealousy can be, and twist it to make you look immature and petty. And at the same time, it is designed to boost their ego and sense of self-importance at the expense of trying to make you feel guilty for having a normal life experience.
None of these comments or questions will clearly define whether someone is manipulative or not. The key is to look for these as patterns within your interactions with the other person. Sometimes a person is truly being dramatic and they may need to be called out on this. If you know you aren’t guilty of the above, then trust your gut instincts about the possibility of being manipulated.
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Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at Oakwood Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com